Saturday, July 2, 2011

On Living

It’s been four weeks now since I found out that Missy had cancer. I honestly never thought she’d make it this long. I was hoping for a couple of good weeks. And now it been nearly a month and she is still doing well. Today she tagged along to take care of Logan and went over to the barn with me twice. Tonight she tried to work a lamb in the barnyard. And she would have succeeded except that lambs don’t play by the rules….

I am enjoying to opportunity to really live with her some more. The first couple weeks I was constantly on edge thinking that any little thing could be a sign that I was losing her. I didn’t sleep well, I kept thinking “what if this is it?” I wasn’t sure I’d use up the first 10 pain pills for her, but now I’ve refilled the prescription twice.

So things have shifted just a bit. I’m still very aware that it’s all day by day, but life is kind of back to normal, or at least as normal as it can be considering. We have our modified routine. My dog is happy, living her life and enjoying it. I’m trying to do the same. The other day I was once again thinking “what if this is it?” and I caught myself. I keep thinking that and Missy just keeps plodding right along. I have a dog that is still very much living and I’m preoccupied with her dying. Why? It was kind of like God was saying - “you still have your gift - enjoy it!“ I’ve had time to grieve and come to terms with things. I don’t need to do any more of that right now. There will be plenty of time later. Now is the time to focus on the life that is still very much there and just enjoy it.

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